Mental Health as a Wrestling Fan

**Disclaimer: If you are triggered by the mention of depression, anxiety, suicide, etc., I would recommend you not read any further.** Balancing mental health

Normally when I write something like this: I love pro wrestling, watching matches and and what not. I tend to be excited, organized and optimistic about pro wrestling fan. However, I’m gonna be open and a little serious about this one. I’m gonna have to write this one out of my heart. This topic has been on my mind for a little while now, and recent events have made me want to get my thoughts out into an article. It’s a sensitive subject for a lot of people, but something that definitely needs to be mentioned.

I’m talking about mental health in the world of wrestling for people in the business, more specifically, wrestlers and their mental health issues. This isn’t an uncommon subject by any means. I deal with mental health issues, as do my friends and family, but wrestlers aren’t exempt from this just because they’re in the public eye more than most. They are humans just like you and me. Behind every persona in the ring, there’s a person going through a mental obstacle right now that they are fighting. Some have prevailed and some sadly lost.

There have been several examples in recent years about how much it can take a toll on them. The first example is former WWE diva, Ashley Massaro, who died of an apparent suicide at the age of 39 in the summer of 2019. Those close to her talked about how she battled depression for many years, possibly due to injuries she sustained while wrestling and the trauma she was dealing with .

Sweet and Sour Larry Sweeney, a wrestler who worked for Chikara and Ring of Honor in the early-to-mid 2000’s, had also committed suicide at the age of 30 back in 2011. He suffered from bipolar disorder and had a serious mental breakdown in 2009 that he described as being one of the worst moments of his life.

Several others have opened up on social media and in interviews about their own personal battles with mental health issues. Recently, Bray Wyatt talked about how he was in a dark place a few years ago. He mentioned how he lost himself and, even though he didn’t want to hurt, still ended up quitting on himself. It got to the point where he felt like he wanted to “cease completely” and get away from the world. What I’m trying to get at here is that wrestlers aren’t excluded from having the same problems we face on a daily basis; they’re humans too and should be treated as such.

Unfortunately, they have to be put on a pedestal for the world to see almost 24 hours in a day, 7 days in a week and 365 days a year. They’re made out to be these larger-than-life characters, these superheroes that millions of people look up to. That’s a lot of pressure to put on an individual, regardless of their line of work, and not everyone can handle that as well as others. We all have our challenges and inner demons we have to face, and wrestlers aren’t any different. They aren’t perfect and make mistakes like the rest of us, and don’t deserve to be crucified for it just because they are famous and an easy target to pray on as we judge and condemn, they fall apart.

When I go to meet and greets for pro wrestlers, I see them as humans trying to make a living to survive and provide the family. I know what it’s like to be on eggshells, walk around in a shell, smile in public while battling demons. I don’t reveal to alot of people of my deep shit. I think its time that I reveal my lowest struggle story for you all to read.

This is gonna be emotional for me to write as I’m typing this out: Christmas Week 2007. 15 years old and I was coming home from High School, crying because I was getting picked on and was tired of the bullshit in life, at that time frame, my grandfather that I was extremely close too had passed away, didn’t have any good support from anyone, was alone in the dark and didn’t have friends to get through. Even pro wrestling wasn’t helping me to be happy with at that point. One night my family left to go out except for me, I stayed home, depressed as ever, and I had enough of the feelings I was dealing with and I finally thought it was time to end it all. I grabbed a huge knife and was about to cut myself but then I hesitated. I thought about what my grandfather said right before he passed away, “A small act makes a big difference”. After 3 minutes of contemplating, I put the instrument down and saw there was a movie on the table, I picked it up and decided to watch it. By the end of it, after 2 hrs, I was in tears because it saved my life and changed my life perspective completely. The movie that saved my life was It’s a Wonderful Life that starred James Stewart, who at the time of the film, was struggling with PTSD after being in WWII as a pilot and saw all of his friend in the war get killed by German air forces. He worked through this movie while dealing with his own demons then overcame it. The last 10 minutes of the movie especially the last scene where George’s younger brother, Harry toasts him as the “richest man in town”, always sealed the deal as a life saver, made me bawl in fucking tears of waterfalls (still does to this day whenever I watch it) and gave the most comfortable message: No person is a failure who has got friends and you never know what you know have, always appreciate today because there might not be a tomorrow. From that point on, after watching the film, I never had any suicidal thoughts again, even when things are tough, I still keep going and try live life to the fullest because it’s a gift.

Nowadays, It’s good to see that more and more wrestlers like Dax Harwood, Powerhouse Hobbs, Eddie Kingston, Xavier Woods and Jon Moxley are opening up about their struggles, because it’s something that needs to be talked about. I personally think that’s what makes them more relatable; that sense of authenticity and vulnerability that shows they are just like you and I. Pro Wrestling isn’t my whole life, but it is a big part of it, and it always happens to show up stronger than ever when everything else is at its worst.Professional wrestling is also a great source of endorphins. Every close two-count is an ecstatic shock to the system, flooding my mind with pleasant feelings. Every wrestling match follows a cathartic arc, two physically engaged combats beating each other’s bodies until one relents. A smarter person than I could go into detail about the neurological goings-on in the human body and mind at The Moment of Pop - all I can do is write that wrestling makes me feel good. Watching wrestlers gracefully take flight through or over the top rope makes me smile, every time. Being a pro-wrestling fan is a full body experience that simultaneously benefits the mind.

Being a pro-wrestling fan today isn’t only about watching television and premium live events, though. It’s also about community. I’ve built friendships with fellow fans people whose views I’ve come to respect and rely upon. I exchange messages with them about our thoughts, feelings, and hopes, pro-wrestling always at the center of our discussions. It’s thanks to them that I don’t feel isolated in darkness. I’m grateful that I’m here and still standing, writing this blog after everything has been thrown at me. Its therapy, its art and it’s goddamn amazing.

Before I close this blog, I’m gonna end this with a Robin Williams quote from the movie: As we come to the end of this phase of our lives, we find ourselves trying to remember the good times and trying to forget the bad times, and we find ourselves thinking about the future. We start to worry, thinking "What am I gonna do?", "Where am I gonna be in ten years?". But I say to you, "Hey, look at me". Please, don't worry so much, because in the end, none of us have very long on this earth - life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night, and when a shooting star streaks through the blackness turning night into day, make a wish and think of me. Make your life spectacular.

Now for those out there who may be suffering and reading this, just know that you are not alone. No matter how isolated you may feel, there are people who love and care about you. Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone instead of suffering in silence. Text/call your friends, family, or whoever is close to you. Things will get better, even if it doesn’t feel like it now. You are stronger than you think, and you can get through this. You are important and you matter to someone.

Be Optimistic, Have Hope, Stay Strong, Smile Often and Love Life.

The Crisis Call Center: 775-784-8090

The National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741